Our Next Generation

Update:  Zachary earned his third stripe this past Tuesday.  :)

The Japanese term for teacher is "Sensei."

In its rawest form, the word means one of an older generation.

It is a term I hear over and over during my youngest child's karate classes.

"Yes, Sensei."

"No, Sensei."

"Sensei, I need to tie the belt on my gii."

 But, the title means so much more. At least this in this particular class...


Earlier this summer, I searched diligently for an extracurricular that would be suitable for my son, Zachary. He's an interesting kid because he's over-the-top intelligent and a true academic scholar. I don't say this simply because I'm biased (which, admittedly, I am--LOL).

Truly, it was obvious, nearly from the beginning, that this kid was going to be smart! At 18 months, he was reciting the alphabet (forwards and backwards), at the age of 2 he had mastered basic phonics, and by 3 he was an emergent reader. Also, he's been adding and subtracting since I can remember.  "Very smart" and "intelligent" are terms that have been used by all of his teachers to describe him.

And, that's not all. Zachary, at age 7, is truly one of the most empathic people I have ever known. That saying "he'd give you the shirt of his back" applies to him literally and figuratively. My son truly cares about others' feelings. He's one of the nicest people you'd ever want to meet.


"I wonder what he will be like when he's 16?" his first-grade teacher once asked me.

"Me too!" I chimed in.

"He's so kind. I hope he never changes," she added.


But, Zachary, just like the rest of us, has his shortcomings. For reasons unbeknownst to us, he is delayed in both his fine and gross motor skills. For instance, it takes him about 3 times what it does others to put on his socks, button his shirts, and snap. The manual dexterity just isn't there yet.

And, as far as the gross motor stuff, he's a pretty slow runner and not very coordinated. He played soccer for a couple of years but I could see that, as he got older and the games became more competitive, we needed to move on to a new extracurricular.

We tried swimming (which went well--we intend to resume that in a few weeks), gymnastics (okay, but seemed to highlight his lack of coordination), and karate (I'll get to that now).

A friend recommended a local martial arts studio, and I gave the owner a call.

"We're looking for an extracurricular activity for my 7-year-old son."

"Great," the owner responded enthusiastically.

"He's not very coordinated," I warned.

"Neither was I at that age. And, now I'm a black belt. Why don't you bring him tonight for a trial class?"


And so we did just that. The first class was fun but, by the second class, I could see the kid just wasn't as coordinated as most of the others.

But, here's the thing. The owner of the school, "Sensei," is fantastic. I mean this man cares about children! He treats them with patience and respect. At each class, in addition to teaching karate moves, he emphasizes the traits of a black belt: integrity, respect, responsibility, self-discipline, confidence....

So, even if my son wasn't a superstar athlete, I wasn't ready to give up on his karate career. This teacher, Sensei, was exactly the kind of role model I wanted for my child.

A week later, my husband and I met with Sensei. We told him we recognized Zachary's lack of dexterity.

"I haven't seen anything to indicate to me that he can't improve," he assured us.

"If I had played a competitive sport at that age, my whole team would have lost," he continued. "But, karate is so much more than that. All of us can work on the black belt traits!"

We were sold and registered him that day for a year of classes--which are held three times per week.



Since then, Zachary has stuck with it and, last Tuesday, I was reminded of just why we registered him!

At the beginning of each class, the children are called up to the front of the classroom according to their belt rank and color. Since he just started, my son is called near the end--along with the gaggle of other newbies. When their turn came, they ran as if their lives depended on it.

Zachary grabbed a spot and looked next to him. A girl stared at him broken-hearted. He was standing in the spot she almost always grabbed. She looked so unhappy.

"Oh!" Zachary said, sensing her uncertainty.

"Ladies first," he grinned and stepped into another spot so she could have the one in question.

In the meantime, Sensei witnessed the whole exchanged and gave Zachary a huge high five. I figured it was one of those sweet little moments that would soon be forgotten.

I  was wrong.


At the end of class, as the students faced the front for their closing exercises, Sensei made an announcement.

"I saw something tonight that I have to share with you."

He went on to explain how Zachary, without question, had politely given up his spot for the little girl next to him.

"That is what I am talking about, class," Sensei said. "Respect."

"Let's all give Zachary a huge applause."

I sat there and watched my son absolutely beam as the other students AND parents cheered for him. Then, after class, the older children who were waiting for the later class high-fived and congratulated him.

"My gosh," I remember thinking. "This man GETS it."

He knows what children need. He understands that we, as the generation before, need to find the positive traits that each child possesses. And point the strengths out. And nurture them.

This karate teacher is a true Sensei. He's a true teacher. And, just as I anticipated, an excellent role model.



It brings me back, to a similar but unrelated message that I watched back in the late 90's.

Remember that comedy show, Roseanne? Oh my gosh, I loved that show! It was just so darn funny! Even today, I watch the reruns with my oldest son, Andrew, who thinks John Goodman is one of the most brilliant comedians out there.

Most of those episodes were hilarious. But, not all of them. I remember one in particular that brought tears to my eyes.

Remember when, offscreen, Roseanne split up with Tom Arnold? It seemed like in one swift move she: kicked him out, divorced him, and got pregnant by her limousine driver, Ben.

"Good for her!" I remember chuckling after having heard of Tom's alleged infidelity. "Way to stick it to him."

But, as I was to find out later in the season, there was so much more to this pregnancy than that.

Roseanne (formerly Roseanne Arnold), was well into her 40's when she became pregnant with her 5th child. If she wanted another child at that point, it was a good idea...really. After all, she'd given the first one (who had been born when she was very young) up for adoption. And, she'd struggled with the middle 3. She was an aspiring performer, but that doesn't happen overnight...if at all. I am sure that finances were extraordinarily stressed for years.

But, now, in her forties, she had her own show, plenty of financial security and, hey, if she stuck her tongue out at Tom Arnold while siring a child by another man, why not do it? Surely, the kid wouldn't want for anything.

During what I believe was Season 8 of her series, Roseanne was ordered to bed rest for the remainder of her pregnancy with her son, Buck. She was unable to tape a handful of shows, except one particular episode wherein she was sitting.

In it, the character, Roseanne, narrates a video time capsule for her baby-to-be who had been written into the show along with Roseanne's visible pregnancy.

In the video, she talks about all kinds of topics...including current events, historic events, the economy...
But, towards the end the actress gets teary-eyed. You could tell it was Roseanne, the actress and mother-to-be, and not the character, who was about to speak.

She has finally found the recipe for interacting with children, she tells us.

"Every time you turn around, you tell them how wonderful they are, and how beautiful they are, and how priceless they are, and how much they they are loved," Roseanne says while looking at the camera.

She chokes up before delivering her last line and, most assuredly, addressing Buck.

"And you are."


She GETS it, I remembering thinking!!


Kids are a blessing.

As parents. as teachers, as adults of the previous generation, we must remember what we need to do to put our children's feet toward the path toward self-assurance.  Toward confidence. Toward success. We must point out their strengths. We must nurture their strengths. Repeatedly.

Children are told, plenty of times, of how they need to improve, how they need to behave, how they need to do what is right.

But, they also need to be reminded, over and over, about what is already right about them. About what strengths they possess that surely overcome any deficiencies.

If we find these strengths, and strive to use them as the ties that bind their futures together, then these members of our latest generation have a much greater chance of success.


Seek and you shall find.